Death

The other day, I woke up from a really sad dream where my brother died at the young age of 14 and just thinking about it made me seriously cry.. sobbing with no end. :(

My mum has gone to work and my brother has just left to go to school. It was 8:45am and I was alone at home and missed my brother. I couldn't control myself and just laid there crying it all out. I think the last time I have ever cried like that was when I was watching this really emotional Jdrama based on a true story, 1 Litre of Tears. You literally cry one litre of tears! lol

In the dream, my mum and I were saying how my brother who died, I think from a car accident, hasn't even finished high school or learnt to drive yet.. we were also asking 'Why? Why did it have to be my brother?'

But thinking about those questions now, does that mean that it is okay for an older person to die? Lets say my mum or grandma. If they were to suddenly die, what kind of questions will be asked? Will people say that they shouldn't have died? At the moment I cannot picture how the people around me would react to a death of a close friend or relative.

Actually, there was one instance but it was a friend of my older cousin. I think I lost my appetite when my cousin was telling everyone about it.. I feel very sad because her friend was murdered by her husband who was a drug addict or doing some drugs.. I don't really know all the details. At the time, my cousin was saying that she didn't want to act like she was close friends or anything with her friend in case her crazed husband decides to come and give her a visit. I was thinking how can you say something like that but then I thought that it was probably what most people would do..

If I had a friend suddenly die then I really wouldn't know what to do. I'd be crying so much and when I have cried all the tears I could cry, I'd probably become an empty shell for quite awhile. But then at the same time, I'd have to move on with my life. I think of all those stories where they say something like, "that person wouldn't have wanted you to be all depressed like that, they'd want you to be happy.."